Hibernation Cycle Ending for Maine’s Latent Celtics Fans

Orono —¬†Ecologists at the University of Maine detected the tell-tale signs of the final push for hibernating Celtics fans who may not have awoken over the last few seasons.

“Expect to see a lot of green this winter,” lead researcher Miranda Pershing said.

“This will be a great chance for fans of Celtics fans to get out there and see something new. Expect lots of Irving jerseys in Maine this winter, followed by rarer sightings of Jaylen Brown number 7s, Tatum 0s, along with smatterings of Horford and even Hayward sightings.”

The end of the hibernation period started to pick up pace last season, when the Celtics went to the playoffs as the top seed in the Eastern conference.

“So far in the early season, the stellar record of the Celtics has caused a new, more powerful wave of fans to awaken from their slumber,” Pershing told us. Many of those fans emerged from hibernation wearing Paul Pierce jerseys, excited and rejuvenated.

“We see this all through nature. Fans enter a period of torpor, or even full-on hibernation, until the weather is more fair.”

Pershing doesn’t see any new hibernation periods in the immediate future, but some models are predicting a unprecedented hibernation for Maine sports fans in the future.

“Once Brady is no longer a member of the team, we expect enormous numbers of Patriots fans will go back to a period of suspended animation.”

Author: Seth G. Macy

Real American.

One thought on “Hibernation Cycle Ending for Maine’s Latent Celtics Fans”

  1. A well known Maine sports writer has tranquilized and tagged a number of these hibernating fans for research for his next column. So far he has found that not a single one of them could name any current player.


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